How many times do you feel like you are out of sync in your close intimate relationships? Do you feel like one person has a perspective on something and you hold an opposing view.
You might want to spend your money on something that you really value and your partner opposes you. Or you want to move ahead with a particular goal in life and your spouse or boss might not be supportive of it. You might have differing views about raising children and seem to clash on how to discipline them. At work, you may feel like your boss and you don’t see eye to eye.
Recently my husband and I started taking east coast swing dance lessons which are a great metaphor for being in sync with our partners. When we don’t get the right beat and the steps lined up, it feels awkward and nothing flows. But when we are dancing with the right steps and beat, it feels fun and easy. The dance lesson has given me an opportunity to learn patience, since my husband doesn’t have a natural sense of rhythm.
Where are you out of sync in your relationships? Is it in the area of communication where you need to learn to hear each other better? Maybe you need to practice better conflict negotiation skills so that you don’t walk away from discussions feeling like you have to withdraw.
Ask yourself how supportive are you when your partner fails to meet your image of what a partner should be or act? We usually end up with someone who doesn’t line up entirely with how we do things since opposites attract. The sooner we learn to work together with our differences, the more enjoyable our relationship becomes.
Here are some tips on how to handle this:
- Practice listening and hearing what your partner or boss says so that you understand their perspective.
- Be open to how their viewpoint can show you a different side to your situation.
- Don’t withdraw from a conversation without giving them another time to get back together to talk.
- Let go of your expectations and be patient when your partner doesn’t meet your image.
- Find ways to express your feelings with “I” statements rather than “You” did this…
- Find ways to compromise when you have too opposing viewpoints.
- Ask lots of questions. Too many times we assume what another is thinking or feeling without checking it out.
Working on getting your dance in sync will go a long way to more enjoyable, fulfilling relationships!
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