I can’t believe we’re into the fall season with the leaves turning and temperatures falling. It’s a time when schedules and commitments come back onto the calendar and things start back up before the holidays.
Are you feeling unnoticed and left behind longing for acceptance from others at the cost of losing your own center? Do you struggle with feelings of inadequacy as a mother or in a company where you are overlooked? Are you yearning to be honored for your gifts and contributions but find yourself not feeling valued?
I hear a lot about these feelings from those who want to people please all of the time which keeps them in a constant cycle of winning others acceptance and not knowing how to give it to themselves. They don’t feel good enough about their value, losing track of how to support themselves in the midst of being with others.
One of my favorite Bible study leaders is Lysa TurKeurst. She wrote a book study titled Uninvited that I studied several years ago. I was impressed that she was particularly insightful and very real in her struggles with wanting acceptance from others and feeling overlooked. I find it hard to believe that someone so accomplished can feel those feelings. What I am aware of is that we ALL are alike in our struggles whether we are famous or not.
Our flesh always longs for acceptance and when we don’t get it, we walk away unappreciated and devalued. I’m aware of how Adam and Eve became shame-based when they disobeyed God which resulted in feeling naked and wanting to hide. This is where our defense systems get established to protect ourselves, so we don’t have to ever feel hurt or pain again. We may guard our hearts to the degree of losing our ability to move toward positive, healthy interactions with others.
Over the summer I’ve done some searching for what I am the most passionate about helping others. I have a very compassionate heart and find those who need their heart healed from betrayal tend to be those who I am drawn to. They need to build more inner confidence, especially when they have been left bruised from some relationship betrayal that they didn’t feel acknowledged, understood, and or accepted. They walked away shattered, not knowing if they could trust themselves and not believing in the value that God has given them.
Whether your struggle is picking yourself back up from relationship distress, or redirecting your life to finding an entrepreneurial place in this world, rebuilding your confidence back can be the key.
So now that fall is here, take time to explore why you continue to keep your life so busy and what you are avoiding in yourself. You might want to take some time to journal. For structure, I like to have people start with a sentence stem with what they feeling and complete it over 8 times with whatever comes to mind. It might be like I’m feeling sad because…….It’s amazing how much this little simple technique can pull out of you what is the theme of what you are really feeling.
I actually started back journaling recently as one of my friends gave me a beautiful one that would be hard to push aside. I have started out slowly, but am always amazed at how I walk away with such peace as I’ve been able to bear my soul on the pages. I know the Lord has met me there and my day starts out a lot better.
One of the areas that people ask me is how do they practice more self-compassion toward themselves. I know that can be hard to know how to practice, but it starts with your self-talk. What are you telling yourself? Are you saying, “I am always being overlooked for a promotion because I’m not doing a good enough job with my work.” or “My kids never mind me therefore I must not be a good parent.” If you asked yourself what are the facts vs. the perception or story, you might find out you are awfulizing things. Look for words you use like always, never, and must. These typically can be very absolute and don’t support feelings of confidence.
Another effective method can be focusing on what you are grateful for. It’s amazing how gratitude can turn your thoughts around from “not enough” to “I have plenty.”
In the past, I offered a class to rally those who have had difficulty giving themselves compassion and learning how to navigate through relationship distress.
Blessings for a confident fall season!