I just got off from a week spent with a grandson who was visiting which wasn’t so relaxing. It was fun, however, doing kids’ stuff, but I’m always amazed at how much energy kids have and what it takes to keep up with them. I have a lot of respect for mothers and now with school starting maybe you can get back into to your own routines. It’s easy, however, to get back into the busy cycle by putting too much on your calendar with all the small group studies starting back.
I think everyone could benefit by beefing up the attention to good self-care. Several years ago, I developed a group program for women who give too much. I was continually finding those in my practice who felt depleted with continually giving so I put together the material for a group.
I am aware how much, especially as women, we try to take care of others-our family members, coworkers, and friends in our life that need our loving care and attention. Many times, it leaves us with a void inside where we don’t take good care of our needs. We may be saying no when we don’t want to do something, or we try to please others because that’s how we feel loved and valued. We may get a lot of strokes by being superwomen. What I have seen is it builds up a lot of resentment and can eventually lead to burnout.
I have become aware of how much we can get out of balance with family members- spouses, children, grandchildren, or even in-laws. We may desperately want them to love us, so we keep going the extra mile many times feeling depleted with nothing else to give. I believe the research would show the common denominator would be women who were brought up in families where they were the oldest and put in a parent role of being responsible for the needs of their siblings. They learned that everyone else’s needs were more important.
Sometimes the root can be they learned to control when one was placed in charge of everyone. I’ve seen clients have anxiety attacks for the first time because they couldn’t control situations and the stress from the outside got too big. Coming to the realization that you are completely powerless over situations that you can’t control can be the start to letting go. As we examine where things started in one’s childhood, you can begin to see where the pattern developed. Much of this control stems from subconscious agreements that seemed to set you up to feel like you have to people please and try to win everyone’s approval.
Is your value of yourself on the line? Do you go the extra mile by people pleasing so others will like and respect you? or do you push to gain status and a reputation, so you will feel important? Learning to love yourself can be the key in opening the door to more self-respect. If you identify where it started, then you know the deeper roots.
Once you know this, I use an energy clearing method called EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique). It’s like emotional acupuncture because you are releasing the emotional charge as you are tapping on various acupuncture points in the body. In addition, you are making a statement to love and accept yourself in the midst of the problem. It can be a powerful release and a way of gaining more acceptance for yourself.
I hope to start again this fall the program for women who give too much, so stay tune for the starting date.